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Thursday, October 8, 2009 @ 12:48 AM
It's never surprising for me when @elizysxz found out what I buried beneath my lids. *even w/o me saying anything. but it's never surprising to me when she found it, she's always been a sharp person.
anyways, today went home, bath da da da. then went to bedok mac with Eliz to makan + mug. many things happened. Taiwan aunties Malaysian @#$@!#$ Taiwan aunties speak abt buildings then fucking spilled her hot tei on me. Nice one _|_ then Malaysian bitches talk like the places only have them. fuck them. seriously. NOT even one slight consideration to ppl studying. so what if it's not a library?
so they telling me, considerations can only be used at home and not outside lah? ccb. talk like fuck till I can't even get any SS points into my head. though it only played part of the cause. but it still played a part.
then my bf came to meet me at mac, watched me study then left to book in at camp. actually, the details I lazy type sia.
after awhile more and more malaysians poured in. wtF?! knn the noise level is alrd damn noisy then add more of those ppl. damn noisy _|_
so we left, headed to void deck & sat there. actually wanted to continue to study, then my parents kpkb. sua, so talked awhile. did not want to go home that early, which only @elizysxz know the real reason. then talk until 12.20+ then go home. my mother even came down to find me.
wow.
but, right now. I find everything too late. or maybe not, after what @elizysxz had said. But, even an outsider can see the biasness treated between me and my brother. & I'm not talking abt the beatings and everything, there are darker things than that.
Only I saw it myself.
of course, i'm not the only one who faced problems. but it's not a crime to complain. So shut up.
but the heart to heart talk at the void deck was really helpful. forcing myself to force the tears back was the silliest thing I could have ever done. yet, the only ppl I could really cry openly to would only be you 3. since pri school you girls understood me. I'm grateful for it, because I do not need to explain myself. my self expression skills are lao yah. so if I explained, we probably wouldn't be tgt until now.
maybe after it cleared between us, than I can be open to you. You asked me whether I trust you, I tried. but no I can't, everything, seems like it was forced on you. doing it willingly shouldn't have showed the idea of forced, yet it did.
I'm confused. She hit the point. Girls need to handle matters and clear emotional matters first before dealing with other physical matters.
