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Tuesday, December 29, 2009 @ 3:19 PM
suddenly, I started to regret many things. but what's the point of regretting? moving on, maybe loneliness is eating into me. but sometimes I feel that, loneliness, is better than what I'm having it thru now.
working life, I should be quitting alrd. no point going all the way so far. see colleagues (well, some) chat instead of working. so they're earning money by chatting. while I work, get sick and whatever for the money. fucking unfair. fucked up. regretted looking for these kind of jobs when I could have looked for admin types since I have experience. instead I wanted to learn additional stuffs that might aid in my future, but nothing. nothing learned. I might as well learn nothing but at least earn more money?
and seriously, just what is love? after ytd, I started to rethink. started to ponder, was what I did right? will I regret what decisions I made? Disappointments filled my heart. my mind. Think I purposely want to act that way? Think I purposely want to continue the way I am while trying to change? do I deserve this just by making a person angry? do I deserve getting used as a doll? resentments, hates, 犹豫不决 what shld I do?
I gave up everything that could be possible to women, just to be with him. I destroyed everything I had, abandoned everything, just to be with him. what I wanted, I could not get, I didn't mind. just to be with him. he doesn't get it, doesn't try. I'm tired alrd. I miss my single, carefree life. my mother's right, I shouldn't be tied down by rls at this age. by a man who doesn't even try to know what I really want. at the end of the day, a woman gets more disadvantages than man.
what's the point, the reason I gave up all these in the beginning? seriously I do not know or even rmb anymore. I want a new beginning. Just like a new year, a new beginning.
